explicit timing

April 25, 2011 § Leave a comment

just as i am stretching to keep a straight trunk, for i have eaten too much ice and sipped too much milk, i am at awe with the perfection of movements. the headset is conspiring with the media player. they must have paused for the past half hour, for all i know, then played the song just as i picked it up – ready to lay down the new square notes i’ve gathered.

and white lights? i don’t think so.

but they don’t listen to my pleas, nor to my requests. ha, what more, right? completion is hard to achieve in this case. i’m getting old, and i haven’t gotten anywhere yet. not even anywhere near anywhere. here i am, stuck in the same place i have been born. like i got out of that womb just to stay in the middle of the two legs. i’ve tried, but i won’t tire yet. i’ve still to keep trying while i plan for the movements to dock them behind those boons. this could be the end of everything.

but what do i know?

there we sat, around the breakfast table. me, casually dropping bombs of some gig i want to partake this coming weekend. ignored, i was. i changed tactics, as if on monologue, i cried faux wails tinged with morose laughter. morbid, if you ask me. but you don’t. i don’t mind. there we sat. me, continuing whatever it is that drove me to a point of voluntary humiliation. barely, that was my family, the audience, nobody else. after ignoring me for the expanse of two quarters of my dessert bowl, he uttered a denial of my wishes. oh, and have i mentioned her endless protests? those kind of fell on the background. days ago, i tried telling her, and i’ve heard her side, unfortunately. it’s easier to be apart. we might as well be strangers.

have i mentioned this being hard?

for the next couple of minutes, i tried to defend what better judgment lies in my utter hopes. i was almost winning. for i saw them both ponder upon the empty space consisting of emptied pans and plates. rattling my spoon against my bowl, i slurped and talked. then, i choked. he grabbed that opportunity to growl. behold, completeness! not of anything i might want to be connected with myself, but the completeness of that two-letter curse. NO. the simplicity can kill me faster than that piece of apple stuck on my throat.

i don’t know you, and i don’t want to.

i kept my hair down, gladly. covering half of my face as i forced the remainder of soupy dessert. sloppy, my eyes felt. then the younger he started blabbering what nonsense he can contribute to my already burdened countenance. i took fast gurgling and swallowing to keep those tears from falling. ‘don’t saway the old people’, the younger he said amidst the instructions falling behind me. the ‘older people’ have left the table. mark this day, i murmured. ‘what?’ mark this day, out loud. i carried my bowl to the sink, stopping by the calendar to confirm the date. 25 APR 2011. i have gained something out of this. humiliation, yes, but only a little. i have gained a new dream. and that dream, i hope, will drown you on your negativity.

water. deep, going deeper. tankfuls of survival. wilderness. colors. stretches of beauty. tight skin. water. taste. bubbles. flip, yeah. FUN.

and i vow to do this before you.

meet me in the morning when you wake up.

the light touch of the feather falling dream, just right in time to tickle the nose of those desiring to sneeze.

***disclaimer: italicized lines are lyrics from the album Hopes and Fears of Keane. take time to LISTEN to it sometime. no regrets***

i tried to stay awake and remember my name.

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