on now

March 13, 2011 § 2 Comments

darling dearest,

you’ve found yourself another name, another calling. you’ve heard it, but you dared not listen. darling.

you’ve found yourself another phase, another face. you’ve earned it, but you dared not look. darling.

you’ve found yourself inside, already swallowed by change. darling.

this isn’t what we want, what we need, what we desired. untrue. one of those must have clicked, right?

because, somehow, we’ve achieved something. however unlike the modest goal we could have had. darling, this is where we are right now. we’re not liking it.

because, somehow, there’s still something lacking. rejoice, you’re human.

your discontentment becomes proof of your humanity.

now we shall celebrate. for even if there are yet to come, we have arrived at now. now, life swells, swings, hits, convulses, shivers.

on being crazy

November 20, 2010 § Leave a comment

dearest, it’s a new day. i know you are, once again, wasting your time in front of the technicolor screen you’ve come to love while listening to the music of a man you’ll never probably ever meet. his words are sweet, i understand. everything you want to hear. it’s good, i must say, that you are listening to him. for if not, you could’ve gone insane earlier. promising yourself this hour, which has gone way more already, in front of the monitor is crazy. fulfilling that promise is crazier. but you take pride in being crazy, do you not?

you’ve learned the difference between the sociopath and psychopath, so i’ve been told. and i have observed that you did your best to categorize yourself in one of those. which of those have you come up to? are you the disorganized damned or the cunning, calculative damned-er? any of the two, you are not. i believe that. you should remember that, dear. you should. though you might come up with all these wild imaginations, it’s normal. you are normal. though you have seen the teen population going crazy over skateboards, or soccer, or flings, or cellphones, or gizmos, or popculture, and you haven’t, you are still normal. take it.

being a weirdo constitutes for inborn characteristics. or some instances that shapes an individual into someone that is different from the standards of the society. you are not a weirdo. i know you desperately want to be one. sorry, love, you just are not. you are however, what you make yourself to be. i’ve lived with you all of my life so i have witnessed all your doings and misdoings. your choices are not always right. being snobbish and snotty isn’t good. but of course, you know that already. yet dear, you’re doing nothing to change that. oh yes, i’ve seen those instances that your conscience and instinct got the better of you. those are happy times, are they not?

and aren’t you the kind who searches for happiness? and peace and love? they will come, if they will find you worthy as a prophet has said. something’s still amiss within you. and with all the blessings of this world, its soul and its Maker, you will one day find yourself in the place you are destined to be.

fret no more. for that doesn’t bring any good. smile. smile, because it helps. helps a lot, and it works in whatever way you’d want it. may it be to make you look crazy or just being the good-natured girl you dream of becoming.

yours.. M

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