March 15, 2011 § 5 Comments
<silent sighic smile>
we never had that. i fancied. but delusion’s unheard of when my ears bleed from the countless injections of live-your-life-according-to-the-truth-cloudy-liquid – a drug i prefer to be un-high of, when i’m sober.
in my carelessness while eyeing the computer screen, i grazed my knee from the sharp corner of the keyboard drawer. my eyes went past the flat surface and saw the pictures. i blamed the owner of those faces. i’m not going anywhere.
the single owner. i didn’t get to anywhere, didn’t make it close.
i’m moving on.
*the title’s both a dedication [for three] and beta version for [</3]*
March 13, 2011 § 2 Comments
you’ve found yourself another name, another calling. you’ve heard it, but you dared not listen. darling.
you’ve found yourself another phase, another face. you’ve earned it, but you dared not look. darling.
you’ve found yourself inside, already swallowed by change. darling.
this isn’t what we want, what we need, what we desired. untrue. one of those must have clicked, right?
because, somehow, we’ve achieved something. however unlike the modest goal we could have had. darling, this is where we are right now. we’re not liking it.
because, somehow, there’s still something lacking. rejoice, you’re human.
your discontentment becomes proof of your humanity.
now we shall celebrate. for even if there are yet to come, we have arrived at now. now, life swells, swings, hits, convulses, shivers.
March 9, 2011 § Leave a comment
i’m not the only one with superpowers.
March 6, 2011 § Leave a comment
the tasteless flavor of the body, abdomen and all, shingles into the roof of the mouth. give me peace.
when suddenly, i didn’t want to listen to music anymore. not even my beloved’s. not when the melody is dissected into notes of realization. tidbits of truth and memories, going tick-tock tick-tock here to haunt me.
somewhere, sometime, a trigger was pulled. no, that’s a lie. i know exactly where though i can’t checkmark the correct date, but i know exactly where and about when. it was when i was still a little kid. but i know, little as i was. i know what it was i was asked to do. i don’t remember if i understood. i can’t. i don’t.
for even now, this is too much.
maybe i tried to forget. and maybe i even did. for i haven’t scratched on this until tonight. tomorrow, on our ethics debate, things can be further explained. and i can keep my eyes opened for tomorrows. can’t i go climb back to before that?
but i’m not yet ready to rake this raw.
i will, however, shout on my loudest tones the warning sign. self, don’t explode into anything but tears.
what sense is there in crying now? and why is it that i still find myself weeping for that which happened so long ago? i’d very much rather be my pathetic self right now than be the legatee of this. i’d very much rather be lost. lost. please, let me be rather lost.
*a man becomes peace, neither yes or no*
March 5, 2011 § Leave a comment
imagine your reaction when you say that to yourself.
there, it was instantaneous. the break, the stumble, the fall. the break. the continuous breaks. then, the shouts in duet. sharp, like the seeping pain to the eye who had just witnessed what it didn’t request consciously, what it didn’t wait for expectantly.
the continuous breaks.
and those short empty spaces in between.
sickening. but i couldn’t gather more reaction from myself than mere huh-how and why did it happen? then, can’t i do better than that? no, even the processes i did afterwards were done because i thought they were supposed to be done, since they were as if the least thing i could do.
the details – which i couldn’t recall. hell, the devil is always in the details! hell, i’m not one to notice them, what more remember them? i am the one who creates them in my mind, friggin’s sakes.
but the breaks, the continuous breaks. stamped in my memory. fictional or what or not. there.
HEYA BRAIN, WE’VE GOT WORK TO DO, i told myself.
February 26, 2011 § Leave a comment
some things go without saying. this could easily be one of those things. but it’s hard when you make it difficult. some things just won’t, couldn’t go without saying.
forever’s a long word. but it’s short when compared with excitement. and excitement lasts for only a few moments. those precious few moments of rush for growth. “leave me unsustained of it, di jud ko mu-grow ani!” said the pea to the pod.
if the pod lets the pea venture out on his own way, then the pea will soon find himself amongst bedclothes and foam mattresses, a dozen of them. he will be placed at the bottom, covered by the heavier part of the rectangular piece of comfort. the princess will then climb up the ladder to station herself at the highest haven. there, she’ll try to make herself comfortable but shall end up tossing and turning for the whole night instead. that whole time, the pea will stay still – for fear, for enjoyment.
that’s one hell of a situation to end up with. but the pea could easily be munched or squished into powdery green grains.
well, that’s still better than not having to go out of shell at all. Whole lot better.
out loud: let the plant trust his produce.
and if the question’s raised again,
Yes. Yes, I am. Phineas always says.
February 24, 2011 § Leave a comment
okay, i know i took so long. i’m sorry. but that doesn’t give you any right to desert me!
no. but it gave me the option.
right. that scottish guy is still waiting. but the plaid tune of this song keeps me a-sway. every moment is so precious, right. in this strawberry field. strawberry swing. would anyone want to waste a thing? of course not. of course not.
but it all boils down to nodding or shaking the bottle of brain-shack. aye, nay. yeah, nah. yes, no. O, D. this, that. choice, choice.